I’ve been dreading having to write this-not because writing is something I fear(I would question my reasoning behind starting this blog to be honest) but because it means I have to confront everything head on and accept this is the hand the universe dealt me and I have no other choice but to play.
If you skip back a couple of posts, you’ll see where my relationship is with my family. Virtually non-existent. Until the middle of June, I had tried to at least keep some form of contact open as I felt like I owed it to them (for what reason? I have no answer).
June 16th, I called my mom to ask if she could fetch me at the train station. Her tone over the phone was one I was all too familiar with, it’s the tone she used when she spoke to someone she no longer regarded of having any importance in her life. I didn’t pay it too much attention though as I hadn’t seen her in a couple of weeks and perhaps something had happened at work or she was just stressed out because it was end of term and grades had to be in.
I was wrong.
I loaded my bags into the car and got into the front passenger seat. “Hi Mom, how are you?” I waited and waited for any sort of response, none came. I knew this would be the longest 15 minute drive I would ever take. We made it all the way home and I had not heard a word from her, she walked into the house and I was left wondering what had just happened. I had a meeting to get to though and so didn’t have much time to think about it all.
The next day whilst she was at work I sent her a text to let her know I needed to talk to her (Side note: I came out to my dad and was going to tell my mom, so that both were on the same page) The reply I got though, shocked me. “You had the entire car ride home to talk to me, you then decided to go out till whatever hour. Whether you choose to let me know about what’s going on in your life or not is up to you”. “This isn’t something you could say at random, and the car ride home was in no way an ideal situation for you to hear what I had to say” I replied.
I left it at that.
A couple of days later,I came across a couple of properties she had looked at for a two bedroom place in Jo’burg. I figured she was just inquiring for when my younger brother left the house to study next year.
I was wrong, again.
I was told I needed to move out of the house by September and that I was on my own going forward. I won’t go into detail on how this all transpired because I still can’t deal with it.
I am trying to pick up my life after so much has happened for reasons I don’t quite understand.
My dad in all this? Well, that’s an entirely new post on its own.
Its OK though, I will be relocating to Cape Town soon and will use the change of scenery as place to finally build the life I’ve wanted and need at this point.
We Live, We Learn, We Grow.